Tuesday: WHEN A NURSE BECOMES A PATIENT

The usual question not only of those for death sentence, but also a question of clients within themselves when they are in admitted in a hospital. -mjmq,rn

It has been three nights and 4 days, but for me it seemed like forever. I was used to a fast paced life where every second counts and every action is important. But staying in the hospital gave me a lot of realizations. It is God's way of saying, slow down, breathe deeply and enjoy my blessings.

The only difficulty during my hospitalization was I was torn between being a patient and a nurse. Before I admitted myself in the hospital, my husband, who is also a nurse and I has already made an assessment about my condition and went for laboratory tests to validate the manifestations that I am experiencing. I was in denial at first. I did not want to submit myself for admission because just like some nurses, I am afraid to know the truth about my condition. But eventually I did went to the hospital, admitted myself after consulting my most trusted physician for almost 10 years and with a pledge that when I enter the hospital, I will NEVER act like a nurse but perform the role of a patient. But I was wrong, God made me this way because probably He wants me to act as both to be more enlightened about my condition. My realizations:

It would have been better if we are kids forever where we don't feel worry or permanent fear. A lollipop is our medicine to ease all the fears and pain.-mjmq,rn

QUIET TIME. I had the most quiet time alone. We did not inform anybody about my condition except for our immediate family so I never had visitors other than family members who only went in the hospital once. Because of my condition, I wanted to be in the most relaxed state. Somehow yes it helped. I hope friends would somehow understand that seeing each other during these times where the body is stressed could be harmful, where you might be so emotional, too happy or too sad. Prayers would be the most helpful of all and I am thankful for all my friends who sent their well wishes through facebook, twitter, text messages and email. I am so blessed to have a lot of prayer warriors, which is probably why I am discharged in a very short span of time. God's grace healed me through your wonderful and fervent prayers! Thank you!

MY MOTHER. Mothers are our 1st nurses. Every time a child is sick, a mother takes care of him/her. My mother died in 2009. When she was still alive, even though we live in Baguio City, which is 250 kilometers away from Manila, she would come in an instant in every birth of my kids (except for the 3rd one). During this time of hospitalization, my mother and my private duty nurse is my husband who is very patient and very passionate about his role as my husband. I am so blessed to have one of God's greatest gift, a partner I can be with until we grow old. I am not afraid to grow old anymore. Even if our kids would grow up and would have a family of their own, I am not afraid now because I know there is someone who will take care of me. He should never be afraid too, because just like him, I will never get tired of taking care of him. And if we will both get old and not be able to take care of each other, I would still be not afraid because I know I still have him beside me.

My dear loving and very patient husband, who is also my private duty nurse, watcher and mother.-mjmq,rn

I AM A NURSE BUT I AM AFRAID OF MEDICAL PROCEDURES. One of the reasons why individuals in the medical field are afraid of hospitalizations or medical check ups is probably for a fact that we are also in this field and we know the probability of everything in the hospital. Reality for a nurse like me, even if you are the healthiest person who entered the hospital and submitted yourself for hospitalization, you'll never know whether you will live or you will die. This is because you have entrusted yourself in the hospital. Yes, you have the right to choose your options but because of your condition, your mind and focus is not clear. Your watchers may not also be accurate in giving the decision in your behalf because they cannot feel what you can feel. One idea has different interpretations. The only valid among all of them is your idea.

Still connected through facebook and twitter and still doing blogs once in a while in the hospital.-mjmq,rn

I had just one problem when I entered the hospital, but when I came in, different tests not related to my condition was done to me. Some of the tests were informed to me so I was able to refuse to some of the tests that is not related to my condition. Since i promised not to act as a nurse while in the hospital, I never suggested anything or declined on anything. But since my husband is there, he collaborates with the team and he was my confidante who tells me that I need to refuse this because this is not necessary or I should not take this medication because this is harmful for my condition. It is very sad that here in the Philippines, not everyone is being explained why they need to do this and to do that. They just do the test or give you the medication and you will just wake up with shortness of breath feeling like you will die soon. Patients may not be aware too that some medications that they will take may cause harmful side effects. Some patients even die right after a medication administration probably because of a wrong medication or because of the side effect of the medication. This happened to me and I was grateful, Carlo and the staff nurses, who were my students before was aware of these effects. Although the drug was still ordered by the physician, I was not able to take it because of the proper assessment.

WHEN PATIENTS ARE MONITORED IN THE HOSPITAL. There were wrong assessments in the hospital. For the past 4 days I stayed in the hospital, I was closely monitored by doctors, medical interns and nurses every hour for the first 2 days and every 2 hours for the next two days. If you will count the frequency, that's approximately 72 times for 4 days. I did not count the times where in between they would ask questions again and again as if they never heard me said that before. I do not want to get mad because I do not want to get stressed. The margin of error as I have experienced for these number of times is relatively high. There are times where I will see my monitoring sheet with a complete record but I cannot remember this person doing it to me. I am just so happy this person is not a nurse, or else.. (just kidding)

When in pain, smile. When in fear, smile. God is with us all the time. -mjmq,rn

I remember teaching my students, when you talk to your patients, do not bring your assessment tools. When you are occupied with writing, you cannot listen to your patients. The most important is to LISTENnot just being SILENT when your client talks. Some health care providers do not how to listen. They just follow the checklist. I cannot even imagine calling it a conversation. It's non sense.

When I went to Thailand for training with my students, I appreciate the way they give time for these conversations. The only difference is that here in the Philippines, some clients are afraid to ask. I always tell my students, start the conversation. Five to ten minutes of talk is not really time consuming. As health care providers, we may be very busy with our numerous clients but remember that the key is to talk to them because remember they know their manifestations better.

NEGLIGENCE AND MALPRACTICE. Negligence and malpractice are twin sisters in the hospital. I had the most traumatic experience in the hospital when I experienced IV infiltration. This happens when substances accumulate within the tissues or cells of a patient's body. I did not notice it too at first but when we were about to eat dinner, I saw my hand bigger than the other. Carlo assessed the site and we immediately called the nurse so the nurse would turn off the IV. But instead of turning it off, she kinked the IV tube, which caused me extreme pain described like air passing through my veins or a sharp knife passing through my body. My pain tolerance was really high but I cried and moaned because of too much pain. Carlo turned off the IV and I refused other people to remove the cannula. Just me and Carlo because the pain was unbearable.

IV infiltration of my left hand -mjmq, rn

Because of the infiltration, they had to make a new insertion of the IV cannula for medication access and hydration. A medical intern came in my room, assessed my other hand, did a few strokes and did not make an access. My husband said stop but I said, it's okay, if you know what you are doing, just go ahead. So for the second time, he punctured my vein, did a few strokes and for the second time, did not make an access. I wasn't crying at first. I tried my best not too, because I cried a lot already. But the pain was too unbearable. Being a nurse and an IV therapist myself, I was so disappointed. I do not want Carlo to do the insertion either because he is not a staff at this time, that's ethics. But the pain was too much. I was like stabbed twice with a knife, so sharp and so cold! I feel so much pain inside my veins and I want to shout and cry at him. The intern left. Carlo said I should not have let him try the second time. After refusing for reinsertion for almost 5 hours, finally my IV site was reinserted one shot by a registered doctor. I said I will not allow anybody to insert an IV in my vein this time, unless the person is a licensed IV therapist (a registered nurse can have this license) or a doctor. Patients should be reminded that IV insertion, as simple as it may look like requires a lot of skill. If it is improperly done, complications may happen.

That night, I said to myself, I want to go home. I want to end this nightmare. Carlo asked for the results of my laboratory and we realized it may be okay to go. We informed our most trusted physician who taking caring of me during my hospitalization and she said yes, it's okay to go. And so the next morning, I found myself packing my things, paying my ultra expensive hospital bill for just 3 days (so this is what I pay after all the pain that I have experienced. I should have stayed home and consulted my doctor because she was the only reliable person I can talk to during my hospitalization aside from my husband) and eventually driving ourselves home.

Comparing my left and right hand during an IV infiltration -mjmq, rn

MEDITATION TIME. Since I had the most quiet time alone, I also had the most extensive and the most comprehensive talk with the Lord. Carlo and I prayed together for healing and strength. We had daily communions too with the chaplain in the hospital. I was able to read the Bible with the most number of pages wherein on regular days, I can only read a few pages before going to sleep. I was afraid. Carlo was afraid too but when fear comes to us, we pray together. We pray fervently for His Divine Intervention. We know that no amount of money can give relief to what I feel. Not a single medication can heal me if not for the will of God. No amount of skill from any of the healthcare team can heal any of the signs that feel if not for the correct guidance and wisdom of God with these healthcare team. I remember whenever I go for my duty in the hospital as a nurse, I pray for guidance because I know God is only making me an instrument. It all sums up to a reality that everything that I know and everything that I do to my patient is because of God's guidance. When I give my lectures in the class or in seminars, I pray for knowledge and wisdom because I do not own these things. God gave me all these knowledge and skills for me to share so that others may prosper just like me. Everything is owned by God, we are only but stewards of this life given to us. Just like birth, God is the giver of life. And in death, only God can recall life.

CONCLUSION: I am writing this to share my experience to you as a patient. This experience made me love patients more. It is more difficult to be a patient than to be a nurse. It is more difficult to place trust to people who you never know is capable of doing what is tasked of them to do. Aside from this realization, this experience made me love myself and my family more. Life is truly too short. Yesterday I am full of life, full of strength and can carry my 1 and 5 month old baby girl but the next day, I was helpless. We never know what the future holds. This is the same feeling I had when my mother died. I know that life is too short to waste to make petty fights, be angry, and to just sit down and do nothing. I told myself too I am going to stop watching telenovelas, they are all too stressful. We should enjoy life, make tasks one at a time and enjoy every second of it. Avoid multitasking. Enjoy sipping your coffee. Play with your kids without thinking of other things. Talk to people and listen to each and every word. Take time to breath deeply, sleep well, chew your food well and stretch every morning. Walk briskly but enjoy the busy environment. Think of happy thoughts and remove all those unhappy thoughts. Learn to deal with people who makes you unhappy. Smile and laugh a lot. Be there in every moment. God gave us this life to enjoy with family and friends. God gave us this life to love and be loved. There should be no time to waste because we'll never know when the time is up.